Why My Kids Tell Me Everything

A friend asked me how I built such an open relationship with my children.

The other day, a friend asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks:

“How do you have such a good relationship with your kids? How do they just… tell you everything?”

The question came after one of those moments only moms understand. My daughter was openly sharing something deeply embarrassing — the kind of thing that would make many parents cringe or immediately shut it down.

I didn’t flinch. I didn’t panic. I didn’t rush to correct or lecture.

I just listened.

My friend looked at me wide-eyed and said, “HOW do you do that? I could never have talked to my mom about things like that.”

I laughed and told her something surprising:

It didn’t come naturally to me. And it definitely wasn’t something I learned from my own childhood.

So where did it come from?

It Started With Watching and Feeling

I’m a deeply empathetic person. As a child, I learned to read people carefully — their tone, their expressions, the subtle shifts in a room.

I noticed what made people close up. I noticed what made them feel safe.

Over time, I realized something simple but powerful:

People open up when they don’t feel judged.

So when I became a parent, that became my quiet prayer:

👉 I want my kids to feel like they can tell me anything. The good. The bad. The ugly. The gross. Even the unmentionable.

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”— James 1:19

I Walk a Very Careful Line

When my children come to me, I am extremely intentional.

I don’t raise an eyebrow. I don’t gasp. I don’t interrupt. I don’t jump to conclusions.

I always give them the benefit of the doubt — every time.

Even when I’m surprised inside, they don’t see it.

Because once a child senses judgment, the door starts to close.

God’s kindness toward us models this beautifully:

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”— Psalm 103:8

Humor Opens the Door Wider

One of my favorite tools as a mom is humor — gentle, safe humor that lowers tension without dismissing feelings.

For example, if my son came home with a behavior mark at school, I wouldn’t start with correction.

I’d start with curiosity:

“Oh yeah? What did Andy say that was so funny?”

Immediately, the conversation shifts. He’s not on trial. He’s telling a story.

Sometimes I wouldn’t even make eye contact at first. I’d shuffle through his papers casually while he talked:

“What did your teacher do next?” “Did Andy get in trouble too?” “Does he get marks often or was this his first?” “Were you at story time? What book were you reading?”

The pressure melts away. He keeps talking. The full picture emerges.

Then Comes the Teaching

Only after he feels heard do I shift.

I slow down. Get on his level. Make eye contact.

“Kai, we love you. But we don’t love the marks. Do you understand?”

I acknowledge the reality:

“Sometimes we don’t make the right choice. And this was one of those times.”

Then I invite him into the solution:

“What do you think we could do next time? Maybe save the laughing for another moment… like when?”

He usually answers: “The playground.”

“Yes — that’s a great idea. Do you have any others?”

Now he’s part of the growth, not just the correction.

This kind of guidance reflects the heart of biblical parenting:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”— Colossians 3:21

We Always End With Connection

Every conversation ends the same way:

Humor. Hugs. Kisses. Reassurance.

Sometimes I’ll smile and say,

“You’re so weird.” And then quickly add,“ But that’s okay. I’m weird too.”

Because belonging matters more than perfection.

And belonging is at the center of God’s love for us:

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”— Romans 8:1

Why This Matters More Than We Think

When children know they can talk without shame, something powerful happens:

They come to you with small things. Which means they’ll come to you with big things.

They trust you with mistakes. Which means they’ll trust you with struggles.

They learn that hard conversations are safe. Which means they won’t hide when life gets messy.

The Secret Isn’t Parenting Tricks

If I had to sum it up, it would be this:

My kids talk to me because they feel safe with me.

Safe from judgment. Safe to be honest. Safe to be imperfect. Safe to be themselves.

And that safety doesn’t come from one big moment.

It’s built in a thousand tiny responses:

A calm face. A curious question. A soft tone. A shared laugh. An open door.

If you’re a parent wondering how to create this kind of relationship, start here:

Next time your child tells you something uncomfortable…

Pause. Breathe. Stay soft. Stay curious.

And remember:

Connection first. Correction second.

That’s where trust grows.

A Prayer for Open Hearts at Home

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the gift of my children

—their laughter, their questions, their honesty,

and even the messy parts of growing up.

Help me be a safe place for them.

Give me a calm voice when I want to react,

soft eyes when I feel surprised,

and patient ears that truly listen.

Teach me to reflect Your love

—steady, gentle, and full of grace

—so my children always know

they can come to me with anything.

When they make mistakes,

help me guide without shaming.

When they feel embarrassed,

help me meet them with warmth.

Let our home be a place

where honesty is welcomed,

laughter is shared,

and love never feels fragile.

Amen.